Bathroom floor

I like bathroom floor… the bigger the bathroom is the better i feel inside… best room in apartment is bathroom for sure… at least for me… here i never feel alone… here no one disturbs me… here i can here my thoughts and most important here my emotions comes out… here i am me in my honest possible way… not that optimistic energyzed person who want to be with people, but peaceful calm introvert who is enjoying her own world where everything is as it should be… it looks like i am avoiding real world… hell yeah i am doing that because right now i dont feel optimistic and energyzed, right now world is falling apart and i can see everything cristal clear…

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Long time no see

It is been a while… i didn’t had any inspiration to write or didn’t had time to write…

Again one of those days when everything is upside down from early morning and inspiration came… it is really interesting that i have inspiration only when something is wrong or i am angry and since i didn’t write so long maybe it was happy period πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ or i was just too lazy to write and used other ways to express my feelings… mhmmm… what other ways i used i have no idea now…

Between all day activities it is hard to find time to write and of course today i have time because i stuck in waiting line for doctor appointment… i don’t understand if you have appointment why you need to wait 45 minutes 😀😀😀… at least one good thing from waiting is that i could write and search and organize my priorities 😎

Bulb light moment

Interesting thing is that only when I am angry or sad i can write… in those moments i have a thousand things to write… while when i am happy i am blocked somehow…
Yesterday i was starting to analyse why i got angry during the day… i had one of those days when from the early morning everything is stressful… Doctor of my kid call me to tell that analyses from urine second time are not ok and we need to come as soon as possible today to do the test again… So my boy was sleeping and i was already panicking what went wrong… what he was doing or what i did wrong or did i gave him bad food or maybe because he start crawling and eating everything that comes into his hands… I was analysing whole time why could this happen and soon i realise we were at our doctor… She tried to calm me down and explain everything but it was like i didn’t even listen to her… i was just looking at my boy who was there smiling… We need it to wait until this bag which doctor instal to my kid will not be full with pee :)… probably when you read this it will make you smile, but i was never in my life so happy to see bag with pee :)))… so we were waiting and waiting… i was nervous and nervous… sitting, thinking, analysing… checking every 10 minutes if the bag is filled or not… after one hour and half finally bag was full… i was already thinking how i will manage to hold my kid in one hand and this pee in a bag in other, of course with the bag with the stuff for my kid on my shoulder and social number card in one of my pockets…

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…somehow i managed to come to other building where pee needs to be checked… thinking why they couldn’t find other way… gave that bag and finally going to my car… I was already so angry and nervous and baby of course started to cry because he was tired as well and it was only half of the day and i thought this day is ruined… finally my kid fall asleep and i started thinking ok i need to do quickly several things because he will wake up in 30 minutes… and i again start feeling stressed that house is not cleaned, kitchen is mess, i need to iron his clothes and all other things that came to my mind…panicking, yelling in my head why this happened… and then…

Then i don’t know what happened… it was like a bulb light moment… i asked myself why i am making myself so nervous, no one is expecting from me that everything should be cleaned and prepared… Even my husband asked me several times why i am trying to fix everything when he is at work, he said you should enjoy time with our kid and when i will be back from work we will clean up together… He is so good, but that is other story and to return to this one… In that moment i said to myself that mostly i am the one who is making my life stressful with all the expectations and this should stop because life is already stressful, why complicate things at home where i should enjoy…

And when is the best day to start changing – it is always today :)… So i prepared my favourite coffee, put on my game and enjoy in silence those 20 minutes that left for me… In those 20 minutes my day became very good and the rest of the day was same as usual, not one of those bad days…

Again in the end we are the creators of our day and life in the way we look at things… nevertheless whats happening around us… Will try to remember that when i will have “one of those days” :)).

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Preparation for Christmas

I always was and always will be kid at heart… there is something about upcoming holidays that is just melting my heart… the music, movies, atmosphere, tree, lights, snow… people seems happier, world looks brighter… everything is where should it be…

In the light of upcoming holidays I bought today advent calendar with empty boxes for each day in December… To be more creative instead of chocolate or candy i will put in each box surprise for each day… just thinking what can go into these little boxes? Any idea? 😎

Trying to be optimistic

Nevertheless i am sleeping last several months by 2 hours, I woke up today in a very good mood… so i thought today will be good day… today i will do all i planned… even the sun was shining which is not very often during November… But no… today was one of those days when your baby decide that he will try every nerve that you have… just to see what will happen… and it is understandable crying is the only way (for now πŸ˜ƒ) for them to say that something is not ok for them… but still… by middle of the day i gave up and was just sitting with him trying to understand what is not ok… he was not sleepy, hungry or with wet diaper… and still he was crying and yelling… trying to sing, dance with him or anything else that might help him, but no… nothing helped and when he got so tired he fall asleep… finally time for me… but now i am so tired that i would rather lay next to him and also fall asleep πŸ˜‚

…. 1 hour later…

I am still analyzing what went wrong today and why he had such mood… but with no answer… probably just one of those days… in the end we all have bad days without any particular reason…

Hopefully this bad mood was only today πŸ˜ƒ!